When I sit to write – I generally have something really witty and funny to say about the nuttiness that is my life. But my fingers get going and my thoughts get a whirling. Then I get all reflective and thinky. When I write – it is the only time I have to think. When I shoot – it is the only moment I have to stop. That’s why I love photography and writing so much. They fit. (oh – the slideshow is at the bottom if you don’t want to read all this!)
I suppose that statement might reflect my attitude about the New Year ahead. With each new year that passes I say, “this year is going to be a good year.” There are and will be amazing moments. But as anyone who knows me knows – a lot of shit happens in our lives. Not unusual to give me a call and I say, “Good. Well I’m following the ambulance up to the hospital. No I can talk – the EMS guy is driving.” Haha – that has really happened.
I gift I have is to look back and remember only the good or find the funny in the not-so-funny in the moment kind of situation. “It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.” But you know what? I would not trade it for the life of me. I must be an idealist or an optimist or a masochist of something.
You know if I could fix things for my children and make their “problems disappear” or take them all on myself, I would. I might have a potty mouth (forget might!) and I might not be Mom of the Year but I know I am the best mother for them. And I hope my amazing kids learn that despite their challenges – to keep moving forward. To move onward & look upward. To keep smiling and laughing. To keep fighting and trying. To keep love in their lives. And I suppose more than anything – to embrace that which makes them unique. I don’t want them to have to wait until they’re old like me to finally like who they are.
I am still a mess I guess. I’m weird. Strange. Different. Eccentric. Erudite. All those words you apply to someone who just lives life a little against the grain. And so too are my kids. I’m glad for that and someday they will be to. But it won’t be until well after high school (because we all know being “different” in middle school and high school SUCKS!).
When life gets a little overwhelming for me. And when I feel like I’ve made all the wrong decisions – I look up at the sky and I see something beautiful and I am in awe and I dissolve into that moment. The self-doubt disappears and there is just that moment…
Here’s to a New Year and braving the storms with laughter and love. Here’s to my children for making me a better woman. Here’s to photography and writing for giving me freedom. Here’s to my family, my friends, and my Paul. Here’s to moving forward, cherishing the good things, and looking upward…